Sunday, March 18, 2018
Here I go again.
First, after years and years of keeping a journal about my fencing journey, I just want to say.......I think it was mostly a useless thing to do. Better to focus more on your fencing notebook. I look at some of my old post and just cringe at the stupidity. On the other hand, you get to have a conversation with someone who is totally interested in your fencing development and struggle. Namely, yourself.
I finally went to the doctor and got a steroid shot in the worst knee. I feared getting it and only the debilitating pain made me go do it. I had a steroid shot in the heel when I was a runner. I had a bone spur there as well as other problems. The doctor tried to brake off a the spur by moving the needle back and forth as he gave me the shot. I had a large intern laying across my chest as he did this. It is a good thing the intern was there. It was one of the worst pains I have ever experienced in my life and if I could have gotten my hands on that doctor, I would have killed him. That was the kind of pain I feared from the shot in the knee. As it turned out, it wasn't that bad. The knee got better. Not normal. But the pain is much,much less.
In an effort to keep fencing, I also have lost over 20 pounds. (Shooting for 30) I don't know this, but my thought is that less weight will be better on my knees. My coach told me I was notably faster at last weeks practice. It made me feel good. I hope he is correct. At Divisional Qualifiers yesterday, two people noticed that I had lost weight. First time that had happened. I feel renewed to continue the struggle.
Divisional qualifiers for epee are today. I did not compete. In fact, I have only competed twice this season. One, I did fairly well. It was a low level event. The other result was dismal. I cannot find a way to not care about finishing near the bottom in an event. And it will happen more and more frequently. It is not fear of failure. I got over that a long time ago. It is more a fear of being disgraced. That is a whole different animal. The things that come with age are dragging me down. But, I do fight them every day. I want to go out kicking and scratching. I hope to find a way to get my head right concerning competitions.