Saturday, January 12, 2008

" You are in it mostly for the social thing, aren't you?"

Last night I had dinner with Woody and Sara. Sara was aware that I had hurt my elbow again badly. Moving along the lines of " I may not be able to fence anymore", she said, " You are in it mostly for the social thing, aren't you?"

I have thought about that ever sense. My answer was, that while that was certainly part of it, I like to compete.

Everyone likes to win. I know I do. However,some wins are much better than others. Some wins are meaningless.

To me every single touch is a mini-competition. I love all the elements that go into that one little game. ( And you get to play it multiple times! SCORE!!!)

If you have to sum it up in one sentence, I think I like the challenge of trying to master something that you can never master. I don't think anyone does not wish the could do some action better. I see this as noble. I think it has that whole " Man of LaMancha" thing going on. ( LaMancha is most likely spelled wrong....but I am on a roll here.)

As I sit here and think about fencing in a little tournament tomorrow, I know that my elbow will most likely not let me fence. If it is going to hurt like this every time I fence, I can't fence anymore. I hope I am just thinking the worst, but hoping it will not be that bad.
However, there is a good chance it might. Maybe it might take me out for ever or maybe the season. I don't know. I will find out though.

Here is the rub though, a great deal of my social life IS wrapped up in fencing. I often snub non-fencing friends to fence. I certainly slight my family sometimes.

I  think the greatest loss of not being able to fence would be the social aspects of it. At the same time, many social aspects in my life might improve. Certainly some of the guilt I carry would be reduced.

I cannot see me trying to do something dramatic like trying to fence left handed. I pretty much know how that would go.

I use to tell myself that I would not consider myself a fencer until I achieved certain ratings or levels. More and more I have come to see that I may never achieve any of those goals, yet I know I am a fencer. It is who I am these days. What would it be like to not be able to do this?

On the other hand, I read a blog written by a woman that lost her hearing. In the scheme of things, my worries seem trite. Nonetheless they frighten me a little.

I guess I will see what tomorrow brings.

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