Saturday, September 15, 2007

How?

Thursday, I I went to UNC. I fenced no one.  ( not by choice ) I had a private lesson with Coach Miller. After we did "Six Wall" we did a "Decision Point" sort of drill. He tried to correct a lot of little things. Separately, they were not hard things to correct, but collectively , as I tried to fix them all during the drill, I almost blew a mental gasket. Maybe I am lacking some sort of intelligence.

Friday I fenced at the "Y". I cannot think of a time ( lately ) when I fenced so poorly. I got beat by about everyone. I got beat by people I should be able to beat left handed. ( Okay...that is an exaggeration, but I don't feel like finding other words for it.)

Tommy was there. He is/was one of the ways I measure how I am doing. The last 3 times we fenced, our bouts ended with one point difference. I felt pretty good about that. Last night, he beat me 5-1 and my one was a double.

I pretty much sucked. All the time I was fencing, I felt like I was someone else, imitating the way Jim fences and doing a clumsy job of it. That it hard to explain, but I felt that way.

I have been thinking lately about my future in fencing. I see a line that gradually arcs upward, with me becoming more technically proficient and knowledgeable. I see a line gradually sloping down line as I age and loose physical /mental abilities. At some point those lines have to cross. I hope they did not cross last night.

I am not being negative or pessimistic as I write this. This is just a whole " Lion King Circle of Life " kind of thing. I hope it is not my time for this, but you have to live in the real world and keep an eye out for such things.

Henri, my personal coach and cheer leader, tells me that I am in a state of transition. That I am trying to apply the things Coach Miller is telling me and until I adjust it will effect my fencing. She also points out that I have not been fencing much during the summer. I hope she is right. I want to believe that.

This is a dangerous timefor me. I can go into a negative funk about my fencing and will take me a long time to come out of it. ( If ever.) I have seen this happen to me in other sports. If I loose confidence in myself it is hell to get it back. I have seen it in foil. I think my lack of confidence in that weapon is why I no longer pursue it. ( That and I want to concentrate on epee.)

One night of poor fencing is not going to send me into a funk,  Looking ahead to my first tournament of the season and
judging by the people who are preregistered, I do not see me doing that well. This could lead to a loooonnng ride home and further doubts.

I have to get my head right some how.

How is the big question.

2 comments:

fencerkath said...

well, if I were to turn up, I bet you'd beat me.

I know how you feel - but you're still a fencer.  I've watched really good fencers face bad patches.  Sometimes I get a great deal of respect for terrific fencers who manage to face defeats and smile.  And if good fencers can do that, I reckon I'd better try to do the same.

epeeallday said...

jim u ever thought that the reason u didnt feel like urself is becuz u tried to fix sooo much in a short time at once? after i switched from lefty that night righthanded felt wrong and akward...it took my first two bouts to get back into being righthanded again.