I am tired. I just got back from the tournament in Charlotte. I was awful. I did so bad.
I can think of several mental reasons why I did not fence my best. I will not go into them. It sounds like "sour grapes." The result is the same.
Sense September I have been pleased (to some degree) with most of the tournaments I have fenced in. There was the NAC in Richmond and an open tournament a while back. I was awful at the NAC and my performance at the November Raleigh tournament was not awful, just not very good. Then there was today. Geeze! The rest I was okay with.
I know everyone has a bad day...sometimes ...a string of them but I have some concerns. I am doing everything I can do (that is realistic) to get better.
There comes a time when have to take a look at your self from a realistic point of view. I am not crying or whining, this is just a clinical type of assessment. I am not going to do it tonight. I will give it a couple of days and think about it.
Sun Tzu said (words to this effect) that an army that wins a war has to have two things. They have to have the resources and they have to have the will. I have both these things.
I am hoping that what is missing is what all epee fencers have. Patience. Maybe I need to wait and see if all the things I am working on will at some point gel and I will become decent. Decent is my goal. Maybe I just need to wait on it. It is either that, or just do not have the talent or ability.
This is sort of a rambling entry in my journal. Like I said...I am tired.