Monday night was the absolute worst I have ever done in foil. I believe I saw a little kid look at me like I was a wuss. I actually became upset with this little guy, because I felt he was displacing target (not intentionally) causing me to hit off target. Who cares??! He is a little kid!! That is when I began to think it may be time to hang up my blades.
I have been fencing foil for a bit over a year and a half and I am convinced I was better at it a year ago than I am today. Now in all fairness, I fenced foil for a couple of months and then found epee. After I met Mr. Uberfoil, foil class was just something to do, so I could practice for epee. I did not take it seriously. Over the last few months, I have come to realize what an art foil is. I feel like if I am to be a fencer, I need to become proficient in this weapon. ( That does not mean win a lot or do well in competition...at least to me.)
I have always thought of foil as the green vegetable of fencing. It is good for you and you need it. ( You may not love it, but you need it.) Epee is your grandmother's Red Velvet Cake and a glass of milk. I do not have a food group for sabre as of yet, I have only been fencing it for a couple of months. I am unconcerned with sucking at this weapon, as I have not yet devoted the correct amount of time to it and thus reach a true state of "suckieness."
Now to deal with the questions. Do I hang up fencing? Do I hang up foil and stick with epee and sabre? Do I keep going to foil and sucking...feeling awful about my progress? I do not know how much more of that I can take. Do I talk to my coach? I feel like they expect me to somehow figure this out on my own. I really need help DURING a few bouts.
I know that part of my problem is the depression I feel about my career. I work in a furniture related industry. In a couple of years there will be no more American furniture industry. It is almost gone at the time of this writing. I am in a design field and make frequent trips to Asia. As the customer base is here in the US, my job may survive...it may not. It brings me down. After a day of thinking about it, often my head is not right for fencing.
But I digress. To fence...to try and find the love I had for it again..or to face the fact that I may never be any better than I am at this moment.